The habit of distraction

So yesterday I was talking with my aunt and as I often do when chatting on the phone, I decided to take up residence on my bed which is next to a very large window. I like to watch the clouds, the trees blowing in the wind and birds flying by while having a good long gab. This day was special though as I became completely distracted by what I was seeing in the sky; I had to tell my aunt to hold on so I could get my binoculars.

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Ambiguous loss

Caregivers are the hidden victims.

Caregivers

Recently I have been going through a tough time, more so than usual and in different ways… and thus the reason for my absence from blogging. I’ve been dealing with my Mum’s ill health and the domino effect it has had on her mental state. To make a long story short for a change, the result is that Mum is now in the hospital and has been for over a month. In that time I’ve had the terrible task of looking for a nursing home for her… just typing those words makes me cry and thus the title for this post – ambiguous loss.

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If you find yourself falling

Today I watched a wee video about a hedgehog baby named Kayak who was taken to a sanctuary when only a few days old. At 1st he could not walk without falling over but with much help from the caring people who took him in, he made huge strides in his recovery. The woman who cared for Kayak referred to him as a superhero because of how he never gave up and what she learned from little Kayak in particular stayed with me. It is as follows –

Falling with enthusiasm!

Photo credit: IN EXTREMIS – Bodies with no regret by Sandro Gardena aka __remmidemmi

Something to remember should I find myself falling or faltering on the journey towards my goals; to do it with gusto and then with the same energy get up, brush myself off and continue on!

 

Judging others

This is Ray, he’s 84 yrs old and about to be judged. He’s a contestant on America’s Got Talent and so here he comes with an act that will be reviewed by the judges but before Ray even opens his mouth, the audience will make a snap decision about him. People, judging by his age alone, probably expect his act will be a big yawn. What happens next is surprising and reminds me again that you’re never too old to have fun or to be inspiring. THIS guy decided to give it a try and I’m thinking he figured it’s much better to have fun than sitting at home and thinking that your time is done. Enjoy!

Ray’s audition, you be the judge -

My dilemma

I think I am fast approaching the place where I need to decide whether I can continue being my mum’s care giver or start the next chapter of my life. One is as scarey as the other.

try harder or walk away

What to do?

 

 

A potpourri of poo

Bleck!

Bleck!

Yes you heard right, or more aptly, if I have to clean up shit one more time I think I’m going to call it quits with this care giving thing. Honestly, I did not sign on for this shit (no pun intended) nor was I prepared for this. I have cleaned cow dung that was 3 feet deep and it still smells better than the potpourri of poo and diarrhea that I’ve been contending with lately.

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