So yesterday I was talking with my aunt and as I often do when chatting on the phone, I decided to take up residence on my bed which is next to a very large window. I like to watch the clouds, the trees blowing in the wind and birds flying by while having a good long gab. This day was special though as I became completely distracted by what I was seeing in the sky; I had to tell my aunt to hold on so I could get my binoculars.
Recently I have been going through a tough time, more so than usual and in different ways… and thus the reason for my absence from blogging. I’ve been dealing with my Mum’s ill health and the domino effect it has had on her mental state. To make a long story short for a change, the result is that Mum is now in the hospital and has been for over a month. In that time I’ve had the terrible task of looking for a nursing home for her… just typing those words makes me cry and thus the title for this post – ambiguous loss.
A thought – why do we ask people ‘How are you?’ upon meeting or in passing when in reality most of us don’t really want to hear the answer if it’s anything other than – Fine, Good, OK or some other form of making nice.
Yes you heard right, or more aptly, if I have to clean up shit one more time I think I’m going to call it quits with this care giving thing. Honestly, I did not sign on for this shit (no pun intended) nor was I prepared for this. I have cleaned cow dung that was 3 feet deep and it still smells better than the potpourri of poo and diarrhea that I’ve been contending with lately.
Note to self… it’s never too late to start living your life to the fullest. Start now!